Need
by BlackDaggerLover
Summary: Bella's needing from her point of view. Spoilers for Lover Awakened.
1. Chapter 1

Author: BlackDaggerLover

Title: Need

Rating: R for language and sexual situation

Series: The Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward

Word Count: 2723

Spoilers: For Lover Awakened

Author's Comments: Zsadist is my favorite brother, and I think his story is the most heart wrenching of them all. I've become obsessed with his and Bella's missing moments and have started some fics to fill in the blanks. This takes place within the book Lover Awakened while Bella is in her time of needing. I might continue it and write out some more, but for now, this is what I have. If you would like me to continue, let me know. Many thanks to my beta... you know who you are!

**Need**

_From page 265 of Lover Awakened_

_With a curse, she lay down and pulled a sheet over herself. More heat boiled in her body, and she rolled over onto her stomach. Scissored her legs apart. Tried to cool herself down. The aching just seemed to get sharper, though._

The heat wave that came next started in the pit of Bella's belly, low and rumbling, and spread through her body. Up her chest, making her breasts ache. Down her legs, past the juncture in between, leaving dampness behind. And then it settled in her womb. Not settled in the sense that it stopped, but that it took root. Right there. In her womb. She felt it there. Heavy and pulsing and hot and greedy.

And then it twisted, and took Bella with it.

She wanted something. No. The _heat _wanted something. Needed something cool and wet to ease the fire inside. And it wasn't going to relent until it had what it wanted. And there was nothing Bella could do to stop it, for Bella didn't have what it needed. To prove the point, the heat sliced through her womb one more time, gripping her and forcing her to inhale sharply.

_Oh… God!_

No. No. It can't be. It _can't_ be. This. Could. Not. Be. Happening. Not now. Not in the middle of the day. Not in a house full males, three of which were unmated warriors.

Her mind stopped for a moment and considered if Zsadist really was technically "unmated."

And with that thought came another slam of heat against her womb. Craving attention. Craving… Zsadist.

Bella groaned and buried her face into the pillow. No more thoughts about other people, she decided. Only thoughts about what could be done to calm the need she felt growing within her. But her body… the heat… had other ideas for her.

She tried deep breaths.

_Zsadist._

She tried crossing her legs tight.

_Zsadist._

She tried wrapping herself up in the cool sheets.

_Zsadist._

Perhaps water? Ice cold water could put out this fire, yes?

_No. Zsadist._

And like a persistent child, the need pulsed in her belly again. Throbbing. Pounding. As if to tell her not to even consider an alternative to the one thing that could ease her discomfort.

_No. He won't. I can't. No matter how much you demand it. _

He had left her empty before. He hadn't been able to orgasm inside of her. And given how he completely misunderstood her feelings for him, there was very little to say that he would be able to ever orgasm inside of her no matter what her body wanted. She remembered how he thought he was dirty and how he couldn't accept that she loved him, let alone that she wanted him inside of her. He couldn't even stand to think of his cum on her hands. He'd nearly scrubbed her raw. And he had left her then, hurriedly running away from her with no indication of coming back.

The ripple of heat pulsed again, begging to be satisfied.

_Ok, brain…body. You want Zsadist? Fine_.

Flopping over on to her back and spreading her legs wide, Bella conjured up all of her most wicked and sensual desires that she ever worked out in her mind and brought them out to play. Her hand slipped down her stomach, allowing her fingers to dance over the slick, swollen slit between her legs. She imaged it was him touching her. Him making her feel this heat. His body pressing against hers. His penis filling her up.

The orgasm flared within her as a moan drifted off of her lips.

Her brain registered a sound from somewhere in the room. One quick glance at the door was all it took to make the fire shoot through her again.

_Zsadist._

Like a predator seeking prey, he approached the bed hungrily.

She cried out, holding back the orgasm slamming through her body, and forced herself to calm down. The bulge in his pants told her he could feel her need. Shit. Every male in the house had probably felt it by now. But if he was here, then it meant he had felt a responsibility to be there. Or maybe he had been sent by the others to take care of her.

She didn't want him there out of obligation. She wanted him there out of commitment. Out of love.

"I'm okay," she lied, rolling over onto her stomach and pulling her legs closed in a desperate attempt to hide the fact that she was ready to come again right then and there. "I'm… really…" She had to let him go - release him of his obligation. "It's going to be—"

The scent. Zsadist's scent. That spicy, delicious, completely male scent that claimed her as his own pierced through her senses and pulled at her core.

_Want! WANT HIM! _

_NOW!_

The heat radiated out through her womb, igniting her whole body. It knew that a male was in the room. And not just any male, the very male that it wanted more than any other.

_WANT!_

_NEED!_

The severe twist of Bella's core left her gasping in agony. The pain had been bad so far, but it seemed as if Zsadist's scent had ignited something more powerful than before. There was nothing she could do but curl up into a ball and pray to the Virgin Scribe for dear mercy. And she knew that mercy was not going to come. Not any time soon.

Zsadist's scent washed over her again, reminding her that he was still in the room. _GOD!_ Couldn't he see that she was being tortured by his presence?

"Go," she barked, groaning from the ache between her legs. "Worse…" her nipples stung, "when you're here."

And Zsadist's bonding scent came again along with a fire inside of her body to match its power. "Oh… _God_…" she cried as a spasm in her core ripped through her, leaving her genitals completely enflamed.

Her ears registered the sound of frantic footsteps darting away from her… and then she was alone.

But she wasn't. His scent still lingered, still pulled at her body. That scent that provided a small glimmer of hope on the horizon that she would ever be free of the pain in her lower body remained behind to taunt her – tease her - torment her. That glorious, welcoming scent that persecuted her for loving the male who left it behind ultimately became her undoing.

There was a solution to this problem – a very simple solution. Get Zsadist to come back in here and give her what she needed. Simple? _Sure_. Easy? _No way._ He wouldn't come without a fight. The irony of the thought had Bella rolling her eyes, no matter how true it was.

Would he come back, though, she wondered? Would he do what she needed him to do? He left so quickly, as if he were grateful for the escape. Of course, she did demand that he leave her, and a bonded male, which Zsadist was regardless of his protests, normally did what his mate requested of him.

So if she asked him to come back… then _theoretically_ he would.

With careful concentration on trying _not_ to breathe in the heavenly spices wafting through the room, Bella rolled onto her side and pushed herself to a sitting position. Grasping onto her pillow for meaningless support, she scooted her legs over the edge of the bed and tried to stand. Even though she wobbled a bit, she made it to an upright position and exhaled in relief.

_Oops…_

She had to breathe now. And when she did, the fragrance of her mate slammed against her with full force, twisting at her womb, pulsing through her core, tightening her nipples, swelling and growing and reverberating without end.

She collapsed on the floor from the complete inability to support herself. The need within her was too strong for her to even contemplate moving from her present location. All she could do was surrender to the pain inside of her, knowing that it would last for days without any remedy. For even though the surge had past, the tightening in her belly remained. With each wave of need that swelled through her frame, the pressure inside of her worsened, leaving an ever growing ache in its wake.

The emptiness of the moment consumed her. From the empty room to her empty womb, there was nothing but pain and agony. And as another surge of need ripped through her body, Bella pulled the pillow between her legs, squeezing it with her thighs, pressing it against the most tender and sensitive place on her body in a futile attempt to answer the demand of her genetics.

She laid there, unable to move outside of the uncontrollable quaking of her body. Tears were so close – so close – but she refused to let them fall. She tried to hold on to reason, to remind her brain that every female goes though this. She was no different. She would survive. But came up short when she realized that not every female had her desired mate in the house with her and was left to suffer.

"Bella?"

_Zsadist?_

"Bella, where…"

She saw him then. He found her, came to her, knelt by her. He came back even though she asked him to leave. She didn't care if he was there out of duty or if his brothers forced him. He was there. And the tears that she had held back spilled over with a sob.

"It hurts…" was all she could manage.

"Oh, God… I know, _nalla_. I'll take care of you." His hand was on her hair, brushing it out of her face. His voice was soothing, loving. And he had called her _nalla_.

"Please…" she sighed, asking for relief. "It hurts so badly." She relaxed enough to roll onto her back so she could better look up at him. The mix of concern and desire she saw on his scarred face would have been touching if she could have registered anything outside of her own sphere of pain. But she did recognize that the bonding scent he gave off had increased. She needed him to know that the more she smelled it, the more it hurt her. "It hurts. It hurts so badly. Zsadist, it won't stop. It's getting worse. It h—"

Her brief moment of possible verbal communication was lost to the fierce surge of fire that roared though her entire body, taking aim at every aspect of her nature that made her female and turning them inside out with desire. Not wanting to scream out and frighten him away, she bit her bottom lip, holding it closed as she grabbed on to the closest thing she could find and held on for dear life.

"_Nalla_…" he said once the surge had passed. "Bella, I need to know something."

"What?" Oh, what? What could he possibly need to know other than she was in desperate pain and he had the perfect way to sooth her?

"Is this your first time?"

Although the question shocked her a bit, she nodded and said, "I didn't know it would be this bad— Oh, _God_…"

Another spasm blazed over her, worse and more powerful than all the others, robbing her of her ability to speak – to think – to really process anything around her other than the male in the room.

She could smell his delicious, dangerous scent covering her. He was aroused, for she could smell his desire as her own increased. His blood thrumming though his veins set the rhythm of the tremors pulsing through her core. His body touching her, lifting her, protecting her. There was nothing but him… and the overwhelming pain of her need.

"Shhh… easy," he whispered, climbing over her – on top of her.

_Yes!_

He was naked. She could tell from the feel of their skin, even though she had no memory of his getting undressed or of him placing her on the bed. She moaned in delight. All she knew now was that he could enter her and give her the release she so desperately needed. Her legs opened and closed frantically as her hips sought out the union with his body. His hands forced her legs to open, only relinquishing their position when he could hold them in place with his thighs.

Then he touched her core.

And she came.

_Hard._

In the fleeting moment of stilted calm that followed, she savored the fact that one touch from him was all it took to bring her to orgasm. Her body stilled. She took a slow breath.

_SLAM!_

With power like a freight train smashing into an insect, the fire erupted, swelled, and exploded inside of her again. Whatever pain she had felt before was mere child's play compared to this. Robbed of all conscious thought, her only response was a scream of ultimate misery.

Zsadist's body fell on top of hers as she wept fully. At the contact of the hard flesh of his groin against her thigh, her body began thrashing around in frustration. The instinct to join – to mate was all consuming. She writhed and kicked and thrust against him, unable to put into words how much it hurt her that he wasn't yet inside of her. She needed him inside of her. He had to get inside of her or she was going to break apart into a thousand pieces.

He was above her again saying something, but she had no ability to comprehend. It wasn't until she felt the rough, hard thrust of him penetrating her core that she could even understand what was happening. The shout of relief that left her throat was echoed by his own, and she reveled in it.

He collapsed against her, but soon his hips began moving with hers. With each pull away from her, she pulled him forward again. Deeper. Harder. Deeper. Stronger. Deeper. He couldn't be deep enough. His bonding scent was so strong, it drew out the need for more of him. Deeper. Deeper. Until she toppled over the edge into an orgasmic oblivion.

"Zsadist!" she cried, for his name was the only word of importance in that moment.

And then she was filled with him - by him. His seed washed through her, over her, cooling off the fire in her core and soothing the need she felt in her womb. It flowed out of him and into her in waves as she was bathed in his precious release.

This was what she had needed from him. This was what her body required to be soothed. It was as if someone had flipped a switch inside of her that instantly turned off the raging heat and filled her with cool, soothing balm. The contrast was startling and comforting at the same time.

Tired from the energy her body had expended while feeling the pain earlier, she ran her hands gently up his torso. She could feel each of his ribs and the bones in his shoulders, but it didn't matter. She would feed him later. She didn't have the strength to do anything right then but turn her face into his arm and inhale his exquisite scent once more.

Suddenly, he was gone. The void he left behind was painful to both her heart and her womb. She needed him – needed more of him – all of him. The swelling heat in her body warned her that this day was far from over. And from the way it twisted her insides, she knew that it was only going to get worse before it got better.

"Zsadist…" she groaned, feeling his presence near her. "It's… back…"

He mounted her again, but her relief in having him between her legs was short lived. His body froze above her, not entering her. She opened her eyes to stare up into the dark, black orbs thick as night that once terrified her and now drew her in. What he said next sent an uncomfortable chill down her spine.

"I can drug you. I can make you feel no pain and you won't have me inside you. I can help you without hurting you."

It was then that she realized he wasn't kidding. He meant what he said. Bella had heard of drugs that could put an unmated female out while she passed through her time of needing. But she knew that even though she wasn't technically Zsadist's _shellan_, she was certainly his mate. And she wanted him inside of her again.

All of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Author: BlackDaggerLover

Title: Need

Rating: R for language and sexual situation

Series: The Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward

Word Count: 1778

Spoilers: For Lover Awakened

Author's Comments: Zsadist is my favorite brother, and I think his story is the most heart wrenching of them all. I've become obsessed with his and Bella's missing moments and have started some fics to fill in the blanks. This takes place within the book Lover Awakened while Bella is in her time of needing.

_Edited from p. 285 of Lover Awakened_

"_You," she whispered. "Not the drug. I want you."_

_With a mighty swell her pleasure rose and then broke into two separate needs, one for his sex, one for his blood._

_She bit him without hesitation, piercing right through the slave band, going deep into his skin._

Bella's senses were on overload. From the feel of having him slide in and out of her body, to the powerful taste of his blood in her mouth, to the way his chest brushed again her overly sensitive breasts, to the aroma of his bonding scent washing over them both. She felt so feminine and beautiful, so hot and wild, more so than she had ever felt in her life. He was inside of her, physically with his body and literally with his blood. And soon, very soon, for she could feel his release coming in time with her own, he would leave more of his powerful, soothing seed behind in her body, quenching the deepest, most powerful thirst she had ever known. He gave her every part of himself that he could in order to alleviate the fire of her needing.

And she loved him for it.

When she came, he went right with her. No waiting, no hesitation. She fell over that delightful precipice and brought him along with her. The storm rode on for a few moments, and she felt him filling her again. She pulled his body to hers, wanting the full weight of him pressed against her as they came down from their momentary high.

She brushed her lips against his throat, kissing the two puncture marks she had left behind. The taste of his blood roared in her body, and without conscious thought, she latched onto him once more drinking her fill until she needed to stop to take a breath. He was breathing hard against her skin, but he stayed in place and let her take what she needed from him. Just as he said he would.

Her hunger for his blood diminished as she felt his arousal lessen and slip out of her body. The emptiness she felt from the loss of contact was staggering. When he rolled off of her, the loss of his body heat left her chilled, and she immediately curled against him craving his warmth.

"Don't go," she murmured.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, kissing her eyes as they drifted shut.

As calm as she felt in that moment, she still found it difficult to catch her breath. Taking in quick, heavy pants of air, she knew that the fire was going to return and build again very soon. She wanted it to stay away for a while and just let her enjoy lying next to him, but that wasn't going to happen. If everything she had heard about the needing was true, she wasn't going to get her wish for a long, long time yet.

She licked at her dry lips and tried to tell him what she felt in her heart. She felt guilty for making him stay with her even though she knew he didn't want to be there. He needed to hear it before she used him again. He deserved to know that she loved him. She'd told him once before and he hadn't believed her. Maybe he would believe her now.

"Zsadist—"

"Shhhh… just rest a minute."

His mouth brushed against hers tenderly. And again, just a brush of his lips was all she felt. Then, with the tip of his tongue, he traced the line between her lips. Their breath mingled, and the need to consume him ripped through her body once more.

"_Oh, God_!" she groaned, turning away from him in the effort to give him some relief.

"Bella—"

It twisted and pulled and burned through her core, begging for release. "I can't," she breathed. "I can't!"

Once more his body loomed over hers, forcing her legs open. But this time she resisted. As much as she needed him inside of her, she didn't want to use him like that. He'd been used so much in his life.

But the fire inside of her was building and it made demands that she couldn't ignore. It flared to life, rocking her with violent spasms of pain.

"_Nalla_…" His hand gripped her thighs.

"It hurts!"

Tenderly, his voice rumbled against her ear, "Then let me help you."

She looked up at him then, her body still thrashing in need, to see that his dark eyes were full of concern. His fingers gently touched her core making her legs fall open in an involuntary response.

In one firm, solid glide, he filled her completely. Her hips lifted to meet him, taking in him as deeply as possible. Over and over again. Waves of pleasure washed over her as he pumped into her. The friction their bodies created only added to the delight. And when his mouth found her aching breast, she tightened around him and shattered apart in ecstasy. Her orgasm was drawn out by the slide of his massive length in and out of her core. He pressed harder and deeper until she exploded again, this time taking his release along with hers.

His body collapsed on top of hers as his mouth kissed her throat. She loved the feel of his weight on her body as he sucked in the tender skin of her neck. His bonding scent roared over the two of them, warning her as to what would happen next for she knew he craved her blood. As much as she wanted him to pierce her vein, she knew she'd never last long if he fed from her. She was dizzy from the pain of her body and the release of sex. Blood loss was not going to help anything. He must have sensed the same thing, for even though she felt his fangs scrape against her pulse point, he did not feed from her. Instead, he tilted his head more to the side and, holding the back of her head in his hand, brought her mouth up to his vein.

"Feed," he said hoarsely.

"Zsadist—"

"Feed, _Nalla_."

Her fangs sank into his skin swiftly. She drank fully, taking long deep pulls from his vein until she felt the dizziness subside enough that she could release him. Again he rolled off of her leaving her cold and empty from the loss of contact even though her skin was damp with heated perspiration.

She turned her head to the side to look over at him. He looked beautiful to her in the after math of sexual arousal. No matter how repulsed he was by his own sexuality, she would always find him beautiful this way. His mouth open just enough for the tips of his fangs to show, but dark his eyes were closed. His chest rose and fell in a heavy rhythm. At his neck were three sets of puncture wounds where she had feed from him already.

"I'm sorry," she said breathlessly, reaching toward his neck.

"No need to apologize."

"For your neck," she clarified touching the wound.

His eyes blinked open and met hers. "I'll heal. What matters is that you're okay."

"I should feed from the other side next time. Or your wrist."

"You take from where you need to take. Don't worry about me."

She nodded and swallowed hard, feeling suddenly shy under his bold stare. "I'm glad you're here," she said softly.

The corner of his mouth twitched in an almost smile. "Like I could stay away."

Now she really felt guilty. Her eyes darted downward, hiding her shame at bringing him here when it was so obviously against his will.

"I nearly killed Vishous when he said he'd help you."

Surprised, she looked back at him. "Vishous? He offered to…"

"I nearly ripped his head off," Z explained as a wave of his bonding scent filled the room. Then in a near whisper, he added, "I couldn't stand the thought of anyone else touching you right now."

The fire began to roar back to life inside her body. The need building and taking control of her urges. "I wouldn't let anyone but you touch me."

Feeling the pull of her body, Zsadist slid his body against hers and kissed her firmly on the mouth. His pelvis rocked forward and his arousal, already hot and hard, pressed against her core. The need to have him inside of her ripped through her body and settled between her legs.

Before she could squirm in pain, Zsadist penetrated her body and filled her to the hilt. She cried out in utter bliss as he drilled into her over and over again. Their hips met thrust for thrust. Her hands explored his body with a frantic need that elicited delightful moans of pleasure from him. His delicious scent was like an aphrodisiac to her which only fueled the fire inside of her until it boiled. Her whole body tingled as he kissed her urgently, his tongue probing her mouth while his thick cock probed at her core. Her passion ventured higher until it reached its peak and sent her spiraling into tortuous ecstasy.

She felt him tremble in her arms as his orgasm racked his body. Not wanting him to roll away from her too quickly, she grabbed onto his tight ass and held him in place against her, wrapping her legs around his waist for extra measure. "Stay with me," she demanded, squeezing his ass tighter until he fell on top of her. She kissed his neck, his chin, his cheek until he turned his face enough for her to claim his mouth.

"I would have taken the drugs," she mumbled through their kiss.

Breathless and slightly confused, he looked down at her.

"If Vishous had come in here… if anyone but you had come in this room to help me…" she said though her breath was ragged. "I would have taken the drugs."

Even though there was no heat begging for release, she squeezed him again, this time tightening her core around his penis still deep inside of her. He instantly grew hard again and the power of his bonding scent was as strong as it had ever been. He tilted her hips up and pulled her body to his, giving him greater access to go deeper into her body. He kissed her with renewed fervor, and started thrusting all over again.

This time, Bella knew, was about them. This wasn't her need bringing them together, for she didn't feel that raging fire. All she felt was Zsadist. All she felt was his care and devotion. Even though she knew it wouldn't last past this one night, she would take all she could from him. And as she milked the orgasm from his body, she knew with all her heart that she would never love anyone like she loved him.

Ever.


End file.
